Stages

by Ben Lapidus

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1.
04:30
2.
3.
04:36
4.
04:35
5.
04:15
6.

credits

released December 29, 2012

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Ben Lapidus New York, New York

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Track Name: Beach Week
You swam out to sea
To see if I’d save you
See if I’d save you and me
You bet every grain of sand on the beach
You used the last piece of good in me
And there’s no going back from this
There’s no going back

We could’ve sat and laughed and watched the world burn

But you burnt any chance of that
I wish that you could see
how much I’ve grown without you
I don’t want you in my life as a lover, as a villain, as a friend

You never loved me, you only loved us
How could you do what you did to someone that you love?
You fucked it all Liz, just ‘cause you cried wolf once
I’ve lost all shred of respect, admiration, and trust

We could’ve sat and laughed and watched the world burn
But you spent more than all the trust you deserve
We could’ve sat and laughed and watched the world burn
Track Name: Thicker Than Blood
(Dedicated to David, Sarah, Lisa, Jake, and Gail)

I’m understanding the cliché to feel nostalgic on a train
‘cause I know nothing’s changed but nothing feels the same
The icicles above my bed are dripping water on my head
And keep me dreaming of the home I had instead

I’ve been so resilient
I just wish you would try
To make this house a place that I can make my home
But if you won’t light a fire, then I’ll sleep in the snow

Every picture is collapsed, all these boxes stay unpacked
Because the memories just hurt too fucking bad
Nothing good can ever last. Nothing here could ever mask
The undying pain of dealing with the fact
that the past is in the past is in the past and that’s that
And there’s no sense in standing still because I’m busy looking back

Blood is thicker than water, but family’s thicker than blood
I have the eyes of my father and the heart of a stranger’s son

I’m understanding the cliché to feel nostalgic on a train
‘cause I just know the holidays won’t be the same
But distance can’t delineate
Separate roofs can’t separate
The bind that time has forged I know will stay
Track Name: Your Time
Take your brother, go inside
Shut the window, close your eyes
I was fire, you were ice
We were children, we were light

And our ceiling opened up
And drank the heavy sky

Looking deep, finding warmth
Breaking free, going forth

I can say your time has stayed very close to me

You have made me who I am
In your absence, I will mend

I can say your time has stayed very close to me
And oh this pain that we call love
And oh this pain
I call it love
Track Name: Dragging
I’m too loved to be lonely
I’m too blessed to be sad
I’m too drunk to be alone now
I need your warmth in my bed

There’s so much love all around me
And I’m too scared to let it in
I resent you for what you’ve made me
A beaten dog in shaking skin

What do you tell your friends when they ask you, how’d it end?
And what do you tell yourself at night to fall asleep in that icy bed?

I’m too loved to be lonely
I’m too blessed to be sad
I’m too in love to be alone now
I need your warmth in my bed

Calling you would only make it worse
I’m small, pathetic, lonely, and perverse
You are both the pain and the escape
I come to you to realize what I hate

So I’ll take all the anger in my life and point it all at you
And crush this tainted love until it dies ‘cause I need someone new

So if you ever feel like taking your life again,
Don’t hesitate to call someone whose love you haven’t pushed away

‘Cause some sins are too big to forgive,
But I’m trying to forget
I love you
I hate you
I feel terrible
Sincerely,
Ben
Track Name: Sidelines
I think I need some time to pick apart my mind
Look inside and understand
Understand why I can’t be on my own side
I’ve been on the sideline
On the sidelines for quite some time
But I don’t really mind
I’m not sad, I just don’t care
I don’t go out anymore

I can’t quite reconcile the consistent contradiction I have been
with who I try to be
And all the while hide behind a smile while my friends and family weep
for the death of me

Look around
Nobody knows who you are

Eulogies sound so sweet when you feel like a ghost
Irony
I can’t decide if I care enough to try
Regret
Fuck, fuck, fuck this fucking head
Another night framed by the bathroom mirror again
Combing through all the ugly words I wish I never said

You know, I took some time to pick apart my mind
and all I could find was solitude
Solitude and all my faults and fears to justify
why I’m on the sidelines
But then I stepped outside, left the quicksand of my mind
And realized I’m not alone
You’re not alone
And if you thought you were, just take a look outside
We’re all on the sidelines

Look around
Nobody knows who they are
Track Name: Fondly Removed
There will come a day I’ll recall these memories
with a lightness that I never knew
Looking back on my youth, feeling fondly removed
from those formative two years with you
I won’t dwell on the thought of what could or could’ve not been of us
because what can I do?
And my object of love won’t just be a token of how fine I am without you

On that day
Only scars will remain
On that day
I will feel no pain
But that day is not today

There will come a time when my words need not remind
me of all the resentment I feel, as a shield from your touch.
My temptation is a crutch for a bad break that won’t seem to heal


On that day
Only scars will remain

I knew that night that something died between us
But we’ve been too afraid to let each other go
I think you know that friendship won’t sustain us
I think we both deserve some time alone

And you will feel again
For someone different
In time our heavy hearts will harden
And our lives will grow apart

There will come a day I will sing these melodies with a smile ‘cause I’ll be over you
Looking back on my youth, feeling fondly removed
from those formative two years with you

On that day
Only love will remain